Biographies::Father and Children Getting Screwed

From R-KIDS of MN and GPF

To Whom It May Concern:

Obviously, you know of many stories where the father has been screwed over in divorce settlements. So this being another one of those types of situations, shouldn't shock you or appall you in anyway. I am in need of assistance.

I am married to one of the most wonderful fathers that I have come across. One in which, other women are jealous that their husbands don't act the same way with their own children. I truly love my husband and wish I could do something about the wrong-doing of the court system.

In all honesty, I was around during the whole ordeal and I do believe that both of us are still going through shock over it all. His ex-wife had gotten one of the most vindictive lawyers ever and I am sad to say that his lawyer stood by and let it all happen. There are two children involved and soon to be three with the coming of our child. His ex-wife has done so many things wrong according to the best interest of the children but because the court order is so vague, she gets away with a lot.

The children are mentally being hurt as well as physically but to prove it would cost an arm and a leg let alone proving either one is very hard to do. In all honesty, his ex-wife almost killed their youngest child right in front of a social worker before the court date and still gained more custody than my husband. I still don't know how all this is possible. The youngest has Cystic Fibrosis something that we thought would bring out her downfalls as a parent and help us gain the custody that we should have gotten in the first place but we are getting used to hearing, "As long as he isn't dead or dying, there isn't any reason for concern."

Why am I writing to you? My husband has set up a time with a Parenting Time Expeditor to help out in our situation but I truly fear that he alone can not prepare the truth adequately. Neither of us know what to expect let alone how to bring this up and out to this person. We have tried so many avenues to try to correct this situation but have only been told that his ex-wife is going through "stressors" and will eventually learn to be a parent. Can you believe it that the courts actually said this but still gave her the kids? Who do they think will be hurt during her time of dealing and learning?!? Well, it has been 2 + years now and nothing has changed.

His ex-wife feels and has been able to get away with anything she has wanted to do even taking away parenting time from my husband and I. We know the court order says it is a felony but she honestly wrote an email stating that she was able to do so according to the court order. The police only told us that they couldn't do anything but walk up to the door and see if they were home, which they weren't because they were traveling to another state for the weekend. So we were left with another thing to document but no one able to help us.

She has been violent to both my husband and I and even towards her boyfriend or room mate whatever she is calling him these days. She has written on court documents that my husband drives her to be violent in front of the children but again no one will help us or see that she is the one with a ton of issues that she refuses to get resolved. We have had to get the Mall of America security guards/cops involved during one heated exchange just to get them back into our care. We have asked her to seek counseling.

It was tried a few years ago but she ends up walking out. We have tried Mediation but again that didn't work either. She has illegally entered our apartment complex but like I said she thinks and knows that she can do no wrong and we have tried with failing efforts to do anything but it always ends up turning on my husband and somehow he is the one who is in the wrong. At this point we are at a loss for knowing where to go and that scares me. We have tried documenting up a storm what has all happened and that came back to haunt us but has now helped her since it is okay for her to do but just not us. We have tape recorded conversations with again the same result.

We have recordings of threats of physical violence against my husband while holding the youngest one in their arms. It just is not a good situation and we need help. His ex-wife quit her job and is now on welfare and therefore gets advocacy help or anything that she wants for free at any time. She has her lawyer still that she contacts and throws at us when she is trying to get her way. We feel overwhelmed by this whole thing. There is just so much stuff that has happened that we don't know where to begin or how to collect our thoughts or how to describe/tell them appropriately.

My husband just wants to bring up the fact that she is refusing to allow the children at our child's birth unless it is during our regular parenting time. I want him to bring up all stuff that has been happening over the past years. It pains us to hear some of the comments that the children are making. His ex-wife would and has gladly given the children to numerous people just as long as it isn't my husband. The youngest has been to the Urgent Care numerous times in the past year and she has no idea what actually happened because she wasn't watching him. The most recent visit seemed to be a ploy on the part of the child just to see his Dad. Honestly, the nurse couldn't believe the instant change in our youngest as soon as my husband showed up. He was instantly cured.

Basically, I don't know if you can help us out at all. I know that we will need the help and need a lawyer who will truly fight for the children's best interest, which would be my husband and I. At this point, we need help preparing for this Parenting Time Expeditor (PTE) that we are meeting with on Thursday of this week (November 18th at 10AM). Being that there are so many different issues going on, I would think it will take more than just this one time with the PTE and I wouldn't be surprised from everything else that we have tried that this will end up going against us too only allowing the children to be hurt more.

A loving wife and mother,

Stacy xxx